
- photo courtesy of Rubenow’s Blog
It is 4:12AM as I begin to write this post. In an attempt to keep this filmmaking process transparent to anyone who stumbles upon this blog and to somehow energize myself to create some sort of schedule of required writing, I am urged to sit and ramble.
Not sure if this is what folks aka doctors consider insomnia but tonight is one of those nights, which come about monthly, where I can not sleep. I laid down and things just did not stop popping into my head. Here is the stream of consciousness - fix mouse or find out why it does not work, network new laptop and old imac to old computer as server, email Ryan about access for freelance website, clean intranet calendars, post new member to website, schedule PR meeting next Tuesday, where is our handicam we sent out a month ago, which still lens would work best for low light portraiture, write a blog about meeting Nathaniel Kahn, buy multi-card reader, did we get the Brunner Grant and when will we find out, gifts for christmas, I need to get rest for tomorrow, how do we embed video into our blogs, why don’t the comments always show, buy vitamins, go to grocery, shit I’ve been lying here for 2 hours… so I open my eyes, realizing I am completely awake, get up and start knocking them out one by one. While I wrote that I multi-tasked and fixed the mouse for now. Sensitivity was up turned up to high and was causing my mouse to jump around the screen.
Seems like I need to tune down and unplug a bit from technology and balance the pace I’ve set for myself. From friends of mine who have had bouts of insomnia, I’ve have heard you are supposed to slowly prepare your body for rest. Turn down lights, get away from the computer and lay down in preparation for sleep. Not even reading a book in bed to calm the mind is permitted. Tonight I got done writing emails and turned around to go to bed.
I used to find it hard to fall asleep but that was all before I began Architecture School. From that point forward I could fall asleep almost on command. My body was always in need. A couch, chair, floor, lecture hall seat, you name it and I could sleep. No amount ever felt like it was enough. Even if I slept 10 hours, I needed more. I felt as if no matter what the “number” of hours my body was resting it was making up for weeks, months, years of lack of sleep. My greatest goal upon graduation was sleep. It even got so bad by second year that I became nocturnal in fear of not waking up, requiring others to physically wake me instead of sleeping in through class. Normal, mortal alarms were useless. I went as far as having a credit card in hand while a Deaf alarm clock, which had a paddle to shake the bed, strobe light the room and scream louder than a fire alarm, was ready to be shipped to my college apartment. Maybe those years of sleep deprivation have worn me in my older age or completely damaged my sleep rhythm for life. Who knows but I know that tomorrow will not bring the same youthful spring which I had in my studio days.
As I leave you to check off a few of the task I listed above, I know I have crossed the threshold of pulling an all-nighter. One thing is certain, which I have gained from my days in the studio, I have the hardest time falling asleep sometimes but waking up is always impossible. So I must stay awake now. I won’t wake up for work.
…or this could all be from the 2 large cups of coffee I had tonight at 7PM, but that was 8 hours ago!